When Heartbreak Tests Your Faith

Written by a SiStar in Christ

He called to tell me that he had found a woman better, younger, and prettier than me. He would go on to wish me the best, and to  audaciously say, "God bless." After a year of dating, praying together, and planning a future, this was the ending I received. It took a month to process the pain of this heartbreak. I was led to believe that I was going to be okay. After all, 'I am a bold woman of God and I do not need a man to validate me. I got Jesus, right.'

A week later, I'm on the floor gasping for air and crying out loud for help because it feels like I am having a heart attack. The doctor later referred to this episode as anxiety from a broken heart. There is no cure. This throbbing pain I felt in my chest was also the restrained resentment, anger, and avoidance that had eroded my faith without my knowledge. When I finally decided to pray to God, I realized it was the first time I had prayed since the breakup. I felt angry that God would put yet another deterring relationship in my path to marriage.

I found myself screaming to the wind, "I'm sick of your heartbreaks, God!"

Well, God yelled back and said, "I'm sick of your disobedience in these relationships. I am to be the only God you worship because it is not possible to worship me and the potential of a man you are creating without my guidance!"

SiStars, God will shut you up and shut you down. These words were only truth and I had to humbly ask forgiveness.

God does not give us relationships to take the place of His love. God's love is the foundational magnitude on what each relationship should stand. No matter how the relationships ends, each person in our life should walk away knowing that we loved God enough to bring Him into every facet of our relationship, and that we lived each day of our relationship by glorifying God. Perhaps if we enter our relationships as a ministry unto God then we won't find ourselves on the bathroom floor, at work, gasping for air from the death grips of anxiety. 

If you are going through a breakup, may your next set of tears be those of rejoicing for the opportunity to experience God's love through others, and praising God for the divine protection that His grace has given you by ending the relationship so that you grow stronger in Him.

 

 

Learning That You Are No One's Savior

Written by A SiStar in Christ

"Girl, word on the street is that he has bad news written all over him. You may want to take this one slow," were the words from my Bible study and prayer partner. "Someone just has to give him a chance, that's all," were the words of destruction that I responded back with. I gave him a chance. After a short lived love bombing phase, I discovered that my chance would cost me nearly everything, even my relationship with Christ.

The first things he stole were my credit cards and bank checks. He would always purchase me an "apology gift" that was beyond acceptable in my sight. "He will change," I kept telling myself and others who showed concern. He did change, but it wasn't for the better. Several police calls and multiple arrests later, he only changed for the worse. It wasn't until my landlord came to have a heart to heart with me (before she kindly evicted me) that I discovered that not only had I lost myself in this relationship, but I had also abandoned my relationship with God. "Janet," my landlord said compassionately, "you're a woman of faith. You of all women should know that you cannot be a man's savior, his grace, or his mercy. Only God can be the salvation and redemption that he desperately needs, and the last time you signed your check you signed it Janet, not God." 

SiStars, we often blame God for our heartbreak and bad relationships, but we never realize that God sends us a million and one signs of love, warning, and redirection that we choose to refuse. On our first date, this man told me that he had no desire to be a Man of God and that he would never step foot in a church. For the entirety of our relationship, I would leave him at home in bed, with a homecooked breakfast, as I rushed into the doors of the church (late) every Sunday. I stopped attending Bible study and choir practice because I wanted to be by man's side (typed in red because these are not the words of God, but a true red flag). 

As we engage in relationship, we need to be mindful of the dangers of having a savior's complex. We do not have the power or holiness to save a person. We can lead other's to Christ, but we can only do that when we are in accord with God's word. John 14:6 states, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. NO ONE comes to the Father, except through me." People will be drawn to your love because they are broken, hurting, and desolate. It is not our job to save them, but it is our calling to administer God's love and God's word to them. If we try to be God in our relationships, we are only creating an unnecessary hell that will separate us from God's love. May we stop searching to find love in a man, or a broken world; and start to find our identity, worth, and love in Christ. 

If you are sincerely seeking God for a sign in your relationship, may your prayers be to discern God's will for your life and to remove those who will hinder His best for your future. Amen.